Happy Sunday!
Do you have an unhealthy need to please? Do you sacrifice your wants and needs to make others happy? Do you resent those you ALLOW to take advantage of you? Do you feel like a doormat? Do you have a hard time saying no? Do you find it difficult to set boundaries in relationships? If you answered “yes” to these questions, I am here to tell you it is time to let go of the People Pleasing Martyr Persona and embrace a more bold life full of peace, self-respect and freedom.
Last Sunday’s post was all about LETTING GO of patterns or behaviors we need to give up and I listed “people pleasing” in the eleven affirmations. I hear many women voice they battle overcoming the need to please….or we can also call it the “disease to please”. I took this on from a very early age. When I was about 4 or 5, I can remember hearing my daddy’s truck pull in the driveway and running to my mom to ask her if I had been a “good girl” that day. I’m sure many of us remember our mom saying, “just wait till your dad gets home” so I wanted to make sure she had no bad news to report to him. Tiffany aka The People Pleaser was born! This behavior is formed out of fear, insecurity and the need for acceptance. I learned how to become a chameleon and had the ability to adapt to what I thought others needed me to be. WHO RELATES?
People pleasing is completely debilitating and it takes you so far away from your authentic self. You get to the point where you don’t even know what it is YOU really want because you are always overly concerned with what others think, want and need. If this is where you are today, I encourage you to begin taking the steps to shed this persona in order to live life on YOUR TERMS and not the terms others set for you. I know it stings a bit to hear that and it may seem selfish to a people pleaser who is in very deep, but it’s about self-respect. Most people pleasers are pretty shaky in the self-respect department which means they are probably not highly respected by others either. Shedding the PP persona was a long growth journey for me, but I know my triggers now and will take being respected over being “liked” any day! HOLLA!
The people in your life may get their panties in a wad when you start saying NO or when you vocalize your needs. Just be patient through this transition, stay strong and don’t allow yourself to fall back into the pleasing mode just because you are met with a bit of resistance or disapproval. Eventually, they will get over themselves and begin adjusting to and RESPECTING the new, bolder you! If they don’t, they are probably meant to depart from your train at the next depot. Now, get on with the rest of your travels with more freedom and fun sista!
THIS WEEK I WILL:
- Embrace a more bold life + let go of the martyrdom.
- Ask myself what it is I really want.
- Stop making choices based out of fear.
- Realize my self-worth + stop discounting it.
- Be more consistent instead of being a chameleon.
- Stop validating myself by how much I do for others.
- Set healthy boundaries.
- Graciously say NO more often.
- Realize the world will not fall apart if I say NO.
- Control the codependency.
- LIVE LIFE ON MY TERMS!
Cheers to Freedom!
QUICK STYLE TIP:
With the temps heating up we are able to rock more tanks + tees with our arms exposed. That means it’s time to bust out your favorite arm candy! I just love a great cuff, bangle or chunky bracelet. From acrylic, like the bright chevron print in the photo to that turquoise you picked up in Santa Fe , just about anything goes!
Remember to sprinkle a bit of sparkle wherever you go this week!
Love, Tiff
SANCTUARY OF STYLE 
I am so, so, so guilty of this. The first time I can remember clearly being a people-pleaser was when I was in grade-school. Maybe grade 3 or 4. I told all the girls I looked up to and wanted to be friends with I’d make them CD’s of songs they wanted since I was the only one with a computer that had a CD burner. I later found out that I wouldn’t end up being their friend at all and that they were simply using me. That’s when doing things for people so they’d like me truly started. I’ve tried so hard to knock the habit but I can’t seem to find the lady balls to say “no”.
Thank you for “keepin it real” and sharing! Admitting we have this issue is the first step to growing past it. Saying NO feels sooooo uncomfortable but just force yourself to do it once and then I promise– it gets easier. Maybe share with a trusting friend that you are going to start practicing saying no more often and have them help you stay accountable. Grab those lady balls and just do it sister 🙂
This is such a beautiful post. It can be really hard to keep true to yourself when there is so much going on. I’m going to print out your affirmations and put them up in my office. It’s helpful to have a daily reminder to be YOU. Keep up the awesome content and amazing wisdom. You rock!
Thank you for the encouragement beautiful! Also- thanks again for autographing your book for Heidi. She was excited to dive in and read it. Much love
Amen sister! Be a God pleaser not a PP!
This is so NOT me thank the Lord. If is is one thing I haet is oppression and terrorism. That is what this would like to me. Now I just tell people now, “get a steppin”, answer is no. People want to control, and intimidate you. I have people like that around me and they try to frighten and manipulate me because of my thoughtfulness ad kindness, but becasue I have a God that never fails and one God that I fear, then I fear no one else and will seek to please God alone. Once they feel like or fool themselves like they have you, they try take a disadvantage. That does not fly around here – NO MORE