Shut Up & Ask… HOW THE HECK ARE YOU?

Women_cafe

[Image courtesy of Vogue]

Hello Gorgeous! How are you? 

I trust you are having a fantastic weekend. You know what I’m going to ask… did you take some time to refuel and pamper yourself?  I sure did by restricting my time on social media and had a movie & nap marathon with my hubby. Last week was so interesting and full of great work situations as well as several coffee & lunch dates with friends. This brings us to the topic for today-understanding the power of those 3 little words, how are you? I have discussed this topic before, but feel the nudge to raise the awareness again. 

Because I surround myself with confident, loving and Spiritually- conscious women, it is rare these days when I encounter the opposite. So, when I do encounter an ego-driven, competitive and insecure type- I almost have an allergic reaction. Aahhhh-chooo! Seeking out new experiences and meeting new people is a way of life for me so I appreciate the learning lessons from each and every person. Whether it’s a positive or negative experience which makes my Spiritual allergies go haywire. We can’t live in a bubble surrounded by perfect people, but we can go boldly into the world prepared- mentally & Spiritually. 

You know those beautiful moments you sit down to lunch with that equally encouraging girlfriend and she’s as anxious to ask about you, as you are about her? Both of you leave feeling valued, loved, seen, heard and cherished. You leave the lunch with more pep in your step and feel that there was an even exchange of love & appreciation. It’s all about honoring and respecting one another. Where has the honor in our relationships gone? Of course, during a hardship- when one of you may need to dominate the conversation & just plain vent- it is understood. Sometimes a friend just needs your ear & shoulder and you know she will be there for you when that’s what you need. That is also part of the honor I’m speaking of. You honor her troubled heart with your care and attention. 

During an encounter last week, I chatted with a gal for about an hour. In that timeframe, she made sure to tell me all about herself including the exact amount of her salary without once asking me how I was doing. A few years ago, this would have totally pissed me off, but I left that encounter actually feeling sorry for her. You know my mission is for women to live a higher life, a more Spiritually connected and empowered life. I want that for this woman too! As I drove away, instead of wishing I could get back that hour of my life, I said a little prayer for her and reminded myself the importance of expressing interest in others.  

This sparked a convo between a few other friends who brought up times when they had gone through an entire  lunch with someone who talked about themselves the whole time without ever asking how they were. We all have experienced this and it makes us withdraw from nurturing those friendships. An enriching conversation between two empowered women is like a beautiful dance or a fun tennis match. One woman speaks then asks the other a question about themselves, their family, their career, hobbies, their life in general. This goes back and forth in a beautiful flow. How simple is that? When we have a convo with an insecure, fear-filled egoist it leaves us feeling like our ears were assaulted and the blood & energy was sucked right out of our bodies. I prefer the dance, how about you? 

Being present and interested in someone is one of the greatest gifts and expressions of love you can give them. We all crave and thrive from genuine connection. If you are one who nervously talks about yourself too much, I encourage you to read the powerful book, How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  The basic principle of the book is to be interested in other people and their interests. Ultimately, it brings you more joy and raises your level of influence within your circle and community. An important thing we can do is to continue modeling this behavior to the ‘over talkers’ in our lives. Hopefully, they will feel heard and cherished then want to reciprocate this behavior to you. But, make sure you continue keeping healthy boundaries with these types of people as well. “Honor all people, love the brotherhood (sisterhood), fear God.” ~ 1 Peter 2:17. Let’s all listen a bit better, make eye contact and put those stupid phones away! 

  

What are your thoughts on this subject?

How do you handle ego- driven people?

Is being ‘present’ with others a priority in your life?

 

Wishing you a week full of respectful & empowered conversations!

Love, Tiff

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Shut Up & Ask… HOW THE HECK ARE YOU?

  1. Tiffany, I couldn’t agree with you more, and I only hope I listen as much as I talk, or, as you so cleverly describe it: dance. There are two things, however, I think should never dance: your eyes. While a person may be saying all the right things, if his or her eyes are ‘dancing’ around the room, the message is loud and clear: You’re not as important to me as the other people in this room.

  2. Great post! Love that book, too. It is truly difficult to keep one’s center when confronted with a rambler. Nice viewpoint on that! 🙂

  3. GOOD POST! I TOTALLY AGREE! The door must remain open for the connection to be made… got to ‘bridge’ the gap… Keep up the good work, Tiff! I STILL LOVE YOU [and your creative, musical husband, Aaron!] He is a superb songwriter/performer, and is on the verge of the Breaking Edge of Popularity. You BOTH have your heads [hearts, and souls] in the right spot, and you have my [as well as a multitude of others’] FULL SUPPORT! KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s