This past Monday night, Access Hollywood aired my interview with Kit Hoover for the 3rd time. What a miracle! I know it’s God because that rarely happens. Kit Hoover has two daughters and she was so invested in my story. Proves that not all entertainment news is vapid nonsense. Many of you who have been loyal SOS followers may have been shocked to hear the deeper story of my tumultuous past. Now you know the true meaning when I say “my mess has become my message” and why I am so passionate about enriching the lives of women. My mission is to provide resources of hope and inspiration like this blog and the YouTube Channel. Books and more tools on vision and affirmations are next on the list!
It’s not easy to reveal the gritty, ugly parts of yourself, but I do so bravely with the hope that other women will know they are not alone. Over the 5 year journey of SOS, I never felt God leading me to share my sexual assault story here with you all publicly. His timing is perfect. I probably wasn’t strong enough before to handle all the judgment and scrutiny that the media has put me under.
In my one-on-one mentoring, I have openly shared my story with women especially the teenage girls I have worked with. Several of them have been molested as little girls or raped in their teen years like I was. I do not want young women burying this and hiding secrets! Secrets are like poison to the spirit. I was raped at 16 and didn’t tell a single person until I was 31 years old. My entire existence in my 20’s was based in shame, fear and anger. I went from being the leader of my church youth group, head cheerleader, straight A student and overall confident girl to spiraling into alcohol, drugs, codependent relationships, promiscuity and mild eating disorders. Whatever I could do to either numb myself or abuse myself with destructive behavior – I tried it.
THEN THERE WAS GOD!
I believe there is a God shaped hole in all of our hearts. He is the only one that can fill it. Why do we put ourselves through the pain of constantly trying to fill it with everything but God? Aside from the drugs and alcohol, I tried to fill it with horrible men, money, career, fame, etc. I truly believe He was watching over me all those years because I really should be dead. I’ve ended up in dark places in the middle of Hollywood doing drugs with people I didn’t even know. That night in 2002 on the bathroom floor, it took one simple prayer and God heard me. Did everything magically turn blissful that night? HECK NO! It’s been a long journey of healing. Growing out of the old behavior is gut wrenching hard, but freedom is on the other side and that’s my wish for all women. There’s too many living in bondage!
Is that you? I encourage you to acknowledge your pain, stop ignoring it, burying it or covering it up with the masks you wear. I was the queen of masks! I could be whatever you needed me to be. I was addicted to approval and got myself into toxic situations because I didn’t love myself and silenced my voice. It’s time for you to use your voice and begin loving yourself, sista. By no means am I totally empowered 24/7 and have my moments of weakness, but I’m proud of the woman I am today. I’m a work in progress and I’m ok with that. Use your lady balls and start strutting toward the path of freedom. The pain path will turn into the purpose path. I guarantee it.
Here’s the Access Hollywood interview if you missed it:
I want to be clear that I do not use being raped as a cop out for my decision to do topless love scenes on the Cinemax series. A few people have insinuated that on social media. Yes, I made several unwise decisions based in fear and I would never do an acting job like that now. I was desperate to work as an actress and own that I took my clothes off. Most of the actresses I admire have done much more explicit love scenes with full frontal nudity. It was a Rated R series and do not take on the media’s label of “porn star”.
Are you ready to live in freedom on the path toward your purpose? Make a comment and let us know. There’s power in sharing it with others!
I will be private coaching again during the summer so if you’re interested send a request through the CONTACT PAGE.
Also, get ready for the popular SOS Summer Beachbag Giveaway mid June! All of my favorites in one bag.
To celebrate the arrival of Summer, today through June 15th, all the #Tiffirmation Tee’s are 25% off. Go to http://thegivestore.myshopify.com and enter discount code: JUNESALE25 at checkout. There’s a limited supply so don’t miss it!
Remember to take some time this week and refocus on your goals. We’re halfway through the year now and it’s important to check in with yourself to stay on track! Take action…
Love & Ladyballs,