WHATCHA SAYING TO YOURSELF? 3 Simple Steps To Positive Self Talk

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Hello Gorgeous!

That simple but powerful statement is today’s topic. A few days ago, I was sitting staring at this coffee cup and thinking how much I love to say this to my friends and I even open most of my SOS webisodes with it. I started wondering how many women actually say that to themselves.  I would bet it’s probably a terribly low percentile of about 10% and that’s on the high range.Think about it.

Do you ever look in the mirror and tell yourself you are gorgeous?

I admit, on most days I look in the mirror and focus on the sagging skin, circles under my eyes, that varicose vein that’s popping out on my leg and the list goes on. Sad this is how we start the day! That’s why I harp on positive affirmations so much. Our mental chatter goes on alllllllllllll day long! We are literally talking to ourselves all day every day. I’m not just referring to how we talk about our physical appearance either. We are either beating ourselves up for the past, feeling guilty about something we did today or have anxiety about the future. This is enough to keep you in a negative spiral 24/7. Who wants to live in freedom from the prison of your mind? ME! My hand is raised and this is what I try to practice every single day. Our minds are powerful and some days are harder than others. If we allow ourselves to spiral too long, we end up in a dark place that’s tough to get out of. I know! I battled depression for many years while I was hiding my secrets and self medicated with drugs. We all deserve to live in freedom. So, it’s up to us to change how we speak to ourselves. No one can do it for us.

Here are 3 simple steps I have found to stay above the dark zone: 

STEP 1: Acknowledgement. We have to take ownership and acknowledge that we’re thinking and saying negative things to ourselves.

STEP 2: Stop that crap. Don’t allow yourself to wallow and play that negative CD over and over in your head. Acknowledge it then stop the thought.

STEP 3: Replace. Once you stop yourself and that crappy thought you must immediately replace it with a positive one. I’ll give you an example of something I thought this morning. “I’m so lazy and feel chunky because I haven’t worked out in a week”… then replaced it with “Hey, I’m not lazy and have been working out hard all year and deserve a break for a few weeks. I’ll get back on the program next week. Enjoy some vacay time Tiff”. It’s all about seeing the positives instead of always focusing on the negatives. See how I turned a “beat myself up” thought into a positive one along with a praise for how hard I’ve worked out all year. We would say the same thing to our best friend. We extend grace to those we love all the time so why is it so difficult to give it to ourselves?

We can talk ourselves out of anything which will stall our goals and dreams. Positive self talk can change the entire direction of our life! This is why I’m a firm believer in using affirmations as a tool to stay on track. I have positive sayings, verses and quotes hanging all over my house.

If you are new to SOS and have not received my affirmations e-book, go to www.TiffanyHendra.com and join the mailing list. The book will come to your inbox for FREE! It’s a compilation for 101 of my favorite affirmations from my Sunday evening blog posts.

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GUESS WHAT?

I’m excited we are back in the sanctuary taping new videos!!! WooHoo!

Any topic you want to see? Comment and let me know. 

Love, Tiff

Love Is The Best Investment

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I encourage you to invest in yourself, too.

We cannot give away what we don’t have.

This quote by Audrey is so simple yet so powerful.

Make sure your own love tank is always filled up so you have a reservoir to give to others.

I had a massive week and am funning on fumes today so I plan to get in a pilates class this weekend, sit in the sauna with the new Spring magazines and hopefully get in a nap too.

What can you do this week to fill-er-up? 

Wishing you a blessed Valentine’s Day and hope you all get huge returns on your investments today!

With love + gratitude,

Tiff

WHERE IS YOUR CROWN? A Call To Action

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How fast did January fly by? We’re wrapping up the first month of 2015 and have gotten back into the groove or perhaps you’re trying to create a new groove for the year. With the hustle of life, women easily and willingly shove their crowns in the back of the junk drawer. Where is your crown these days? (Yes, I’m referring to your invisible metaphoric one, but if you want to rock a real tiara- go right ahead sista!)  How is your “queendom” looking? How are you feeling- body, mind & spirit?

I want to encourage you to make your “self-care” a top priority and treat yourself like the queen that you are. You are not a martyr, you are not a slave, you are not a pauper.

YOU ARE A QUEEN! THIS IS YOUR CALL TO ACTION FOR 2015!

Beautiful miracles open up in your life when you pamper, respect and love yourself. Too many women view this as selfish or self-indulgent. Moms, if you are taking good care of yourself, you are setting an example for your children to do the same. It goes the same for the opposite. If you are neglecting yourself, you are setting that negative example for your kids.

Everyone’s life is different so the various levels of self-care will be different for every woman, but here are a few ways we can all make self-care a priority this year:

  1. BE SPONTANEOUS. Take a break each week and do something totally spontaneous. I know this sounds contradictory to plan spontaneity, but we gotta do what we gotta do, right. Basically, it’s giving yourself free time each week and sometimes even that has to be scheduled. For example, on a day that has a light schedule, go do something totally fun. Last Friday after a morning meeting- which I had blocked off more time for than was needed- and when the meeting ended sooner than expected my girlfriend (who was also at the meeting) and I headed to the mall, grabbed a Starbucks for shopping stamina and went hunting  for boot sales! Totally spontaneous and just what the doctor ordered after a very busy week.
  2. ASK FOR HELP. This is a big one because we don’t like to “put people out” or bother anyone. I admit to being really weak in this area because 1. I’m a control freak and 2. I don’t like to bother people. As my schedule gets crazier and I have more responsibilities, I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone and asking for help. A queen allows people to do things for her. She’s not a B@&*# about it and she’s not demanding. She simply knows her queendom will run more efficiently when she delegates and isn’t afraid to ask people to do things that they are probably much better at than she is anyway.
  3. WEEKLY PAMPERING. Create a “Just for me” cash stash and go blow it on yourself every single week. Yes, I said every week not every few months. Get a mani/pedi, massage, facial, body wrap or treatment, etc every week. Maybe put the money toward an empowering seminar you’ve been wanting to take which pampers your spirit. I admit, I still do my nails at home every once in a while for convenience, but I started a “just for me” cash stash a few years ago and it is one of the best ways to practice self- care. I can no longer use the excuse of lack of funds for neglecting myself.

The list really could go to a hundred ways to take care of yourself, but these 3 things have stood out to me recently between my private lifestyle mentor clients and girlfriends. Don’t wait until you have chronic migraines, resent your family for spreading you thin and you begin to feel like a doormat. Start today. Set your intention on rockin’ that crown proudly.

 

I wanted to share one of my favorite Oprah quotes and just googled it to find there was more to it. I’m excited to add this to the post:

Be A Queen by Oprah

 

Be a queen. Dare to be different. Be a pioneer. Be a leader. Be the kind of woman who in the face of diversity will continue to embrace life and walk fearlessly toward challenge. Take it on! Be a truth seeker and rule your domain, whatever it is—your home, your office, your family—with a loving heart.

Be a queen. Be tender. Continue to give birth to ideas and rejoice in your womanhood… my prayer is that we will stop wasting time being mundane and mediocre… we are daughters of God—here to teach the world how to love…

It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through, where you come from, who your parents are—nor your social or economic status. None of that matters. What matters is how you choose to love, how you choose to express that love through your work, through your family, through what you have to give to the world…

Be a queen. Own your power and glory!

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Cheers to my fellow daughters of God!
Please leave a comment and share if you’re going to dust off your crown and make sure to share this with your friends who need this call to action as well.
Love, Tiff

 

As A Woman Thinketh, So Is She

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Every word spoken and action taken – all begins with a thought. We mold and design our lives with the way we think. Our thoughts have both creative and destructive power.

Are you creating the life of your dreams or do you sabotage and destroy anything good that comes your way?

What are the dominant thoughts you have toward yourself?

Regardless if we are conscious of it or not, our underlying beliefs about ourself shape our character, our health, our appearance, our relationships, our circumstances, and our destiny. No matter what their age, self-love is a sensitive subject with the women I mentor. Too many women are living life with a deep sense of hatred, shame and disappointment toward themselves. The choices we make, the men we date, our level of passion and purpose are all a product of either loving or hating ourselves.

What do you really think about you?

Since the beginning of SOS, I’ve shared how throughout my 20’s I lived in shame, fear and brokenness. I was trying my best to carry a ton of baggage that nearly broke my spirit all while appearing like I had it all together. I know many of you relate. Women are numbing themselves with dangerous things that appear to be harmless like self- medicating with alcohol, prescription meds, shopping and food. I know, I did it all.

Most of my decisions and actions came from a negative viewpoint of myself. I was not conscious of my thought patterns at all and would wallow in anxiety, complaining and misery. When I was tired of wallowing, I would numb myself. It’s simple – if we think high, noble and pure thoughts our lives will go that direction. On the opposite hand, if we think lowly, dark and hateful thoughts- well, you get the picture. It took years to realize I had to begin by forgiving myself for some of the stupid choices I made.

I did not think very highly of me. 

Because my mind was so polluted, it took a lot of work and God’s Love & Grace to clear it out. It reminds me of a car that has been smoked in for years. Yuck! It takes so much work and fumigating to clear it out and there’s always that tiny bit of residual smoke smell. So, you’re always spraying perfumes and hanging deodorants to mask the smell. My mind needed serious fumigating to get rid of the pollution I had accumulated over the years.

Love really was the ultimate fumigation system. My broken, shame-ridden heart had to be so filled with love again that it squeezed out all the pollution in my mind. Psalm 23:7 is a short, but profound verse, “For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he”. Get it? The verse is referring to the heart thinking when we typically view our mind as the starting point of our thoughts. God loved me all along, but I didn’t realize it. I had to learn to receive it.

The truth that you cherish about yourself in your heart (your private thoughts) create the vision in your mind then determines what you become.

Loving yourself and allowing God’s Love into your life is the foundation of you becoming who you are destined to be. What can you begin doing today to fumigate any lingering pollution? M. Scott Peck, M.D. – author of The Road Less Traveled describes self-love so clearly. “Self-love implies the care, respect and responsibility for the knowledge of the self. Without loving one’s self one cannot love others. But do not confuse self-love with self-centeredness.” 

  • Begin with forgiving yourself.
  • Take better care of your basic needs. Eat & sleep well, exercise, interact in healthy activities.
  • Set healthy boundaries in your relationships.
  • Learn to say no.
  • Live with intention & purpose. 

LET THE LOVE IN.

Xo, Tiff

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LIVING IN THE OVERFLOW: Fill Up Your Love Tank This Weekend [Candid Vlog]

Happy Weekend My Sistas,

Many of you have asked me to please continue sharing the candid “Motivational Monday” vlog style webisodes that I have posted the past few weeks. Since last Monday was a holiday, I thought I would share some SOS love & encouragement at the end of the week. No makeup or fancy lighting- just my heart to yours: 

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Who is going to take this assignment seriously? I want to hear all about what you did for YOU this weekend and how it felt to “fill” yourself up. Remember, let go of the guilt and flip your thinking if you find that “me time” leaves you feeling selfish. You are actually doing your family & friends a disservice by not taking care of yourself. Living in the overflow will allow you to give- without resentment– to those who need you.

GIVEAWAY REMINDER: 

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(2) SOS Blog Subscribers will win either 2 of the products mentioned in the Summer Beauty Regimen video or a TARGET gift card plus both will receive a signed copy of my hubby’s new CD, Octobersong and an “ALIVE” V-neck Tee. Go HERE for the details to enter! Winners announced June 6th. Good luck! 

 

Comment, Tweet, Share the SOS Love!

Make a date with yourself this weekend & let me know how it went.

It’s the last day of May! Remember to set your intentions for June, but then surrender it all.

Love, Tiff

 

Wings Or The Worm

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 Hey, Hey, Hey!

Are you conscious of your behavior after a phone call or coffee date with a certain friend who brings out your weaknesses instead of your strengths? For example, you chat with a dear friend who is always complaining and venting her drama- complete with a few curse words for punctuation- and the rest of the day you are whining, focusing on your burdens instead of your blessings and cursing like a sailor. Trust me, I am no Miss Priss and have a fiery personality so a few curse words may fly out of my mouth when I get heated. Not proud of it- just keepin’ it real. As I always say- I’m a work in progress! My point is how interesting we are as humans to emulate and model those we hang around. We may be Spiritually-conscious and awake with our shelves filled with self-help books, but it is easy to get sucked in to the chicken coop instead of rising above and soaring like the eagle that we are.  

I love listening to T.D. Jakes during my power walks and a few days ago he said one simple phrase that struck a chord in me. He said, “Are you associating with people who bring out the wings in you or the worm in you?” Obviously, he’s referring to the beautiful idea of transformation through the butterfly. I posted this on Facebook, but wanted to elaborate and start the discussion here on the blog. We are always in a state of growth and transformation- at least I hope we are! I realize you have joined this community because you place your personal growth, development and empowerment as a priority. As an ‘instigator of change and an ‘agent of transformation’, I thrive on constant growth. The minute I feel stagnant in any area of my life- I’ve got to switch things up, change the behavior and expand a bit. 

We can always be a little bit better today than we were yesterday and I will keep that philosophy until I’m 85.

A vital aspect of our growth is who we surround ourselves with.  Are you associating with those who challenge you to come up higher & encourage you to fly?  A few of my girlfriends are gifted encouragers. They have the ability to hone in on someone’s strengths and lift that person up by pointing out and vocalizing these positive traits. They bring out the wings in that person! Don’t you love being around people like that?!  Often times, we are able to reveal a strength in someone that they didn’t even realize they had. By doing so, we open that person up to their full potential which puts them in a position to fly.

On the other hand, we must be mindful of those who try to bring out the worm in us. You know that friend that likes to include you when she’s talking about her own short comings. She says things like, “We have a hard time losing weight because WE are just lazy”. Then you start questioning yourself, “Am I fat? She’s right- I am lazy”. {Record Scratch} Counteract it by kindly not accepting those negative words over your life and respond with something like, “I’m happy with my weight and work out 4-5 times a week. ‘Lazy’ is not a title I care to wear, thank you”. Of course, then there’s the family member who tries to make you feel bad that you are a ‘driven dreamer’ who appreciates nice things. Misery loves company. It takes all kinds to make the world go round and we can love them and learn from them, but we can also limit our exposure to them. When you’re around the critical ones, stand firm in your beliefs and positivity.

Make sure you are rubbing off on them and not the other way around.   

ACTION STEP: Take a look around you. Who do you spend the most time with? Wing peeps or worm peeps? Make a conscious effort to spend more time with friends who are positive and living a life of excellence & purpose! Those who speak about life with enthusiasm. We all have a Destiny to fulfill so it’s crucial to associate with those who help you come up higher and stay on your path- and vice versa. 

We become like those we hang around. Surround yourself with those who like to soar. Be the wind beneath each other’s wings! 

As always, I love to hear your thoughts.

Comment, Tweet + Share the SOS love!

Love, Tiff

 

P.S. Don’t forget about the fun Summer Kickoff Giveaway happening! Details on the 7 Summer Drugstore Steals post. Ends June 6th. Win a few products below OR a Target gift card plus the new Aaron Hendra Project CD & T-shirt. 

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CHRYSALIS by Guest Author, Wendy Carter

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I am egg. I am goo. I am imaginal discs… the programming of spine, and masks, and wings with a dream of flying. 


Imaginal. 


Imagine.


Inside. 


I form. I hatch. I eat and shed my skin, and my masks come off, revealing the ever growing larval, child, and teenage faces.
I’m walking with wings beneath the skin of my growing body, and knowing, feeling the promise of them invisibly there, 
wondering, imagining, what will it be like to fly? 

I must try. 


The mask is tight. The skin must go. Go back to the goo.
So I coccoon. I form a chrysalis. Safe. Silken. Private. 


And I digest myself, and I rest from all of my eating, climbing, spinning and building. I liquidate into protein soup du’ imaginal discs. I am my own fuel for the rapid fire splitting and duplicating, triplicating, of cells I dream and sleep through. 


Then my antennae tingle, my legs, my eyes and genitals and wings… oh, my wings form as I dream of flying in the goo behind the mask in the glow of imagined sky in the imaginal disc of my brain.
And I dream myself together til the dreams and the wings take up too much space. The goo is gone, and I am hardening, and hungry, cramped, and bored. 


Cocooning stops here and now. It’s time. 


The chrysalis must go. This silken safe must go. There is only the memory of comfort here. 


It is time.


So I stretch, until there is hole, and the air is delicious. I stretch again. I stretch until I am baffled at my hugeness, and the beauty I have become. Wobbling and wet, clinging to the shell of my home.
My wings have eyes that see the sky. I must dry. 


I must rest. 


But there are others. I must know them. 


I must fly. 


It is time. 


So I exercise my wings, down, up down up down up… and adjust to the different lengths of my body. I remember… I remember so not being like this. I am shaped differently.

I am stronger. 


I climb. I hear and feel the call of the others. I see them on bushes beside me, and winging delightedly above. I too, am made for that impossibility.
A strong wind blows and I cling for dear life to the limb I’m considering letting go of, and feel I must be insane. Flying. I’d be oh so vulnerable. But oh so free. 

I climb.


And I reach the top, and my wobbling weight bows the upper leaves. My wings flutter a little and the leaf is relieved. My clinging feet are lifted.
When another wind blows and in a ripping screaming moment my home is gone. I am upside down and spinning, a blur of green and purple and broken home around me, flapping and flapping, and the flapping feels useless, until suddenly… 


it isn’t.


And I’m flying and the world looks different from up here and isn’t it wondrous this world? I am joy! I am lifted! I am life! I am young, and strong, and this final mask is mine, and I discover that I am beautiful.
And I am still hungry.

And I want company.

And I want love. 

And I can go anywhere. 

I am free!

Oh, God, I am light… thank you for this gift of making me 


A BUTTERFLY.

 

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