STOP SPEAKING DEATH: 10 Ways To Build Others Up

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HAPPY SUNDAY SISTA!

I’m sure many of you are getting geared up for Superbowl Sunday, but I just had to share these 10 tips I stumbled upon. Last week, I celebrated a dear friend stepping boldly into a new endeavor by launching her YouTube Channel and new series called Whit’s Kitch. WHOOP! Make sure to check it out and subscribe! It was an honor to be Whitney’s first guest and we had a total blast doing special live videos to tell everyone about it. I’m thinking of doing special SOS Live videos now. It’s a fun way to engage with you ladies! Wanna? 

Ok, back to the topic. I mentioned on Facebook Live how frustrating it is when some of those close to us can’t seem to encourage or acknowledge our accomplishments. I spoke about how important it is to surround yourself with women who have your back and speak life into your dreams. I especially realized the importance of this over the wild few years I just had! Whitney is a natural encourager and walks her talk in this area. She has a gift to point out and pull out your gifts. I just had to praise her and speak (well, it really was a rant) on the importance of this– especially for women.

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I’m so grateful for the “tribe” of spiritually conscious women in my life who selflessly pat me on the back and highlight my strengths. Happy, strong women compliment others and know the power in lifting other women up. Confident women support your dreams and celebrate your wins.

When people have difficulty in this area it’s usually a projection of how unhappy they are in their own life. These people freely point out the weaknesses in others as a way of making themselves feel superior. We NEVER, ever, ever lift ourselves up by putting others down. I’ve learned to just pray for these people and focus on the people who confidently lift others up. May we all strive to speak life into others more this year. Stop speaking death. Everyone needs this, not just women. For example, stop tearing down your husband, praise him for all he does right instead of pointing out all the things he does wrong.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21

Sanctuary Of Style is all about building up women. I pray daily for this community and that it creates a ripple effect. If you want to grow in this area, here’s a great article I found:

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We are living in a self-serving, self-centered, and self-obsessed modern day rush-rush society filled with negativity and constant tearing down of others. If you want to really differentiate yourself in this world, be people-oriented and start to focus on building others up.

Created as relational beings, it’s our greatest privilege to enjoy companionship with the people who truly matter in our lives. How can we then be a source of encouragement to our friends, family, and loved ones today?

Here’s 10 simple ways to build each other up:

  1. Esteem others higher. Leaders esteem others higher than themselves. Have high regards, great respect, and favorable thoughts of the people in your circle of trust and influence.
  2. Be wise in your speech. Communicate more effectively by thinking before you speak. If there’s a word that’s more appropriate in a conversation, use it. Start with a praise. Never confront others. Instead, point out on how both of you can make things better. Speak at the same level as your audience; giving them due respect. There’s no need to come in with an authoritarian voice to get your message heard.
  3. Be encouraging. Encouragement is an expression and assurance of one’s hope and future in words, presence, and sincerity.
  4. Be quick to forgive. When others make a mistake, be quick to forgive and forget; releasing them from guilt and shame that may take root in one’s heart when not dealt with over time.
  5. Be understanding. Wisdom and understanding go hand in hand. Understanding starts by being an active listener (not planning a reply as one is speaking), asking intelligent questions to gain further insights, and being accepting of what the speaker is sharing. Then, answer without condemning. Or don’t answer at all and decide to just be a listening ear.
  6. Zero gossip. Keep others’ secrets. Never speak stuff that causes unnecessary hurt to others by speaking unclaimed rumors behind their back.
  7. Share knowledge. Found an article or book that’s useful? Share it with your friends. Sharing has been made easier thanks to the accessibility of sharing tools on the web, along with help from social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook. Sharing knowledge helps us learn, discover, and understand things that are interesting. They have immediate application for better results in our work and life, edifies our soul, and improves our daily conversations.
  8. Stay humble. Humility and maturity are synonymous. A dignified person accomplishes much, but brags little. They are secure in their standing without needing to make noise, often treating everyone with tremendous respect, regardless of position.
  9. Be positive! Positive thinking goes beyond having the drive and motivation for personal success. Positive thinking is explicit, definite, and outspoken. It’s contagious. Build up your loved ones with your positiveness, allowing them to be open for better things to come.
  10. Love. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails … And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13, NIV). Building up a person with the 9 ways mentioned is only made effective when done so together with love. Care for your loved ones how you would want to be cared for. Build up one another how you would like to be inspired. As a result, you will move up to a whole new level of breakthroughs in life.

Going one step further, visualize how and to whom you can build up and inspire changes for the better. Then work towards making that a reality.

Continue encouraging and building one another up. And start seeing growth and advancements in your relationship with people and to the ones who truly matter to you today.

“You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins.” – Jim Stovall

This is an excerpt from Daniel Richard‘s latest ebook, Doing With LESS: Your journey as a new minimalist, and the art of stress-free living. He is a blogger, an author and a freelance writer. You can follow him on Twitter.

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TOGETHER WE CAN ROCK THE WORLD! Happy International Women’s Day

 

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I honor each of you today. Many thoughts have flooded my mind regarding International Women’s Day. Most of these are reposted from last year, but still hold true today:

  • My heart is filled with gratitude to my mother for instilling the “you can do anything you dream of” mentality in my sister and I.
  • Deep admiration & respect toward my mom for always working hard in her job and even harder at home to create a safe home for us as kids. She never hired a housekeeper and we rarely had a babysitter. She’s 67 and still happily working.
  • Deep admiration for my Japanese grandmother, Hannah, for choosing to leave her family and career as a clothing designer to raise her family in America.

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  • Pride and respect for my multi-talented younger sister who has followed her dreams and remained true to herself while finding her calling. It takes guts to try new things and change careers. She’s one of the gutsiest gals I know! If you’re in LA, make sure to go see her at the Beauty Boutique. Your skin will thank you!

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  • As a young woman living in the US, I’ve been able to work as an entrepreneur (I began modeling at 14 and started my 1st business at 16 doing graphic art, logos and designing T-shirts for companies), pave my own way and ask for the pay I’m worth all while trying to make a difference.  This overwhelms me! Again, I thank my parents for teaching us to fly and supporting all our crazy, but creative ideas. 
  • I’m more passionate than ever about instilling belief, vision, confidence and positivity in young women to prepare them for a successful future. There are several teenage girls that God has trusted me with mentoring. This has transformed my life probably more than it has theirs.
  • This blog is proof that we are blessed as women in the US with the ability to share our voice, ideas and thoughts.  Women in many countries are still forced to remain silent.
  • I echo the sentiment in an Instagram photo from Marie Forleo (one of my favorite biz mentors) which said, “Ambition is beautiful”. Her caption read, “You were born to create and contribute. Don’t let the noise of the world drown out the work your soul came here to do”. That goes for the boss lady doing the hustle and the stay-at-home mom raising future leaders. You do your thing and do it well!
  • I’ve been praying the Prayer Of Jabez (1 Chronicles 4:10) for several years and now- I have been given a larger platform and territory with the Real Housewives of Dallas. My intention is to inspire even more women to go for their dreams and the love they deserve. I have to share our latest commercial promo! Talk about Texas Girlpower..

 

TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK OF ALL THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE WHO HAVE MADE AN IMPACT ON YOU.

Silently say a prayer for them and send them love. 

May this love elevate us all to live a higher life and be so filled up that we have enough to give out to other girls and women.

Love, Tiff

International Women’s Day (March 8) is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity. www.internationalwomensday.com

SOCIAL MEDIA MADNESS

Hello Gorgeous!

Be honest…

How much time do spend on social media on a daily basis? Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, etc. It has become an addiction for many…who may not even realize the negative effects and toll it’s taking on their life, relationships and self-esteem. As if women need anything else to disempower us. 

In my latest vlog rant, I share my two-cents on the subject:  

 

What is your takeaway? 

Do you need to spend more time person-to-person with friends & family and less time connecting via social media? 

When you get off Facebook, do you have a sense of competition, comparison and overall ‘blah’? 

I’m old school and prefer catching up with friends over coffee/lunch/wine. Connecting eye-to-eye, laughing or crying with someone and feeling their energy is sooooo much more special than an email or facebook comment. Just sayin’. 

Stop the madness sista! Share this and leave a comment with your two-cents. 

Love, Tiff

 

YOUR MONDAY ‘Kick-In-The-Butt’ MOTIVATION: Getting Balanced In July

Have you been overindulging a bit too much this Summer? My hand is waving in the air and I’m screaming “Oh, Oh, Oh” like Horshack on Welcome Back, Kotter (for you youngens who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about…click here & watch this quick clip! 

Ok, back to the topic. My fab YouTubers have asked for me to keep up these Monday Motivational candid vlogs and today’s video has several kick-in-the-butt ideas. If you are like me and have been indulging a bit too much this Summer,  join me in July by doing more yoga, cutting back on the extra sugars & meats, plus detox your mind from the social media and junk food TV by reading more….

 

YOUR THOUGHTS?

Staying balanced all the time is impossible, but it’s being wise enough to know when we need to take a step back from certain things. Remember, if you are in the DFW and Austin areas, take a look at the new Sweat & Core classes at Sunstone Yoga. Stay tuned because we’re giving a FREE month to one of you Dallas sistas! 

Gotta go – make a salad, drink some green tea and read, LOL! 

Love, Tiff

 

 

THE FIRST WEEK OF SPRING= FABULOUS!

Hey Sistas! 

You know those week’s we have periodically that are just perfect…like a dream, full of fun and magical moments. I just experienced a week like that!  Today, I am reveling in the blessings and had to share it with all of you. If you are on Instagram, this may be a repeat for ya, sorry. The lesson I relearned from this week was the power in reaching out and doing for others during your own difficult time. The week prior, we had a very challenging time with some business situations and I needed to get out of my head and stop focusing on my present circumstances. It did the trick…

Let’s start with last Saturday: I have mentioned meeting a remarkable young woman named Jessica Youngblood who has a ministry called Just Fabulous Events which helps build confidence in teen girls. She is a recovered meth addict who has transformed her life through God’s love and healing power. Her mission is in alignment with mine and I truly believe in Divine connections which empowers us to do more together than we can all alone. Jess asked me to be part of the event as emcee and stylist of the fashion show. I was honored and so blessed by the entire experience. There is nothing better than seeing a big group of adorable girls giggling and having fun! But, my favorite part of the night is toward the end when the girls are given a quiet moment to reflect on  what they need to give over to God to heal. It could be any broken part of their life. They write it on a rock and go lay in down at the foot of the cross. It was so beautiful to see all the girls go up to the front and release their pain. SO Powerful! I wish we had an event like this when I was a hurting teenager!!  Click to see more pics and “like” her Facebook page. 

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Fabulous_with Jess

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Then on Monday: My bestie Heidi wanted to give our girlfriend Christine- who is recovering from a year of chemo and a mastectomy- a special birthday gift.  One can only imagine how devastating that experience can be on a woman’s self-esteem so what better to help her feel glam again? A professional photoshoot with hair & makeup and starting the day with a blowout at Drybar! Heidi asked me to be part of the special day and help her get Christine ready with a great outfit and beautiful makeup. Christine said it was the most beautiful she has felt in 2 years. Mission accomplished. WOWZER! How gorgeous does she look… 

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Jump to Tuesday & Wednesday: I can’t remember the last time both my sister and I have been home at the same time. It’s been years! She flew in to Houston for a brief visit so I jetted down there for some QT with the fam. Our favorite thing to do with our Mom is load up on energy with some TexMex then spend hours digging through thrift stores. As soon as we enter the store, we separate. The hunt begins! We will holler across the store to one another with a find- as if we struck oil. We try things on and begin the fashion show giving each other a thumbs up or down. This would make a hilarious reality show! Our family has been through a lot of healing over the years and has had it’s share of tough times, like most families, so I cherish these precious moments more than ever. 

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Hydrating with a Cherry Limeade

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My goal of scoring something in a bold floral print- ACCOMPLISHED! This blouse covers several Spring trends- Pleats, Sheer, Puffy Sleeves & Bold Floral Print.

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The remainder of the week was filled successful work stuff, auditions, one of the best girl’s nights ever-  plus, seeing my coaching client really step it up and rock her session with me. I’m like a proud mama! This first week of Spring will go down in the HERstory books for me. 

Here’s a quick hair tip (this blog post is all over the place), but for you ladies who are wanting a longer ponytail- this is the best hair trick I’ve ever come up with. I only wish I had figured it out years ago! Thursday was swamped and I didn’t have enough time to wash and blowdry my hair for girl’s night. I thought a high ponytail would be quick & ez, but my pony looked wimpy and short. BINGO- I added a second ponytail underneath and voila- problem solved. I felt like “I Dream of Genie”. So fun and will be my go-to summer style! 

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WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR FIRST WEEK OF SPRING?

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

Love, Tiff

 

 

GIRL TIME vs. GYM TIME {Sunday Affirmations}

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{Spiritual Sisters Group}

{LtoR: Laurie, Laura, Julianna, Patricia, Amy, Brooke, Me, Marcy, Cortney.  Thank you for opening your hearts, ears + arms to me.  Grateful for my LA sisterhood. Love ya’ll}

Hey Gorgeous Gang!

A few days ago I received one of those mass emails that I not only stopped and read, but it made me stop and think.  Then, I sat there a moment and gave gratitude for all the amazing women who have been part of my journey in life.  Some are still on the journey and some were only there for a reason or a season, but regardless– they made an impact on my life.  I really cherish the long friendships I have. You know those girlfriends who immediately take you back to your authentic self in the first 30 seconds you see them.  They knew you before you took on the title of mom or wife and have you feeling like your free-spirited 18 year old self again.  I’m also excited to be sassy and silver-headed with these girlfriends in 20 years! 

Since childhood, I have always thrived most when I had a tight posse of girlfriends. Being in a group atmosphere was where I felt at home, whether it was on a cheerleading squad, youth group or even amongst the group of models I traveled with when I was a beer girl. (yes, I was a Tecate poster model)  I can hear you laughing!  Hey, if you’re a young eager model in Texas– you started out as a beer girl and we all have to start somewhere, right?!  I was always part of a group, but went through a period right after I got married where I felt isolated here in LA and had a difficult time reaching out. Depression hit me hard and my health suffered tremendously with everything from migraines, anxiety, acne and ulcers.  I didn’t realize it then, but my lack of connection was a big part of the problem. Plus, I was in the midst of a serious spiritual healing on top of adjusting to marriage.  I WAS ONE….BIG….HOT….MESS!

Ok, back to that email.  One of the main reasons I opened the email was because it was sent from a dear friend (love you Amy) I’ve known since I was a teenager and she never, ever forwards mass emails. You know those emails your mom  forwards that has cute pictures of dogs napping or it’s a superstition stating if you forward this email to 10 people you will have a financial breakthrough or someone will call you with good news in the next 24 hours. Yes, we have all gotten them and yes, I admit to forwarding mass emails and in fact, I forwarded a prayer recently that I will be sharing with you all next week because it’s just THAT GOOD!  Several friends replied telling me that it was exactly what they needed that day so always go with your gut and pass along the encouraging ones. You never know who needs the lift that day!

Ok, again– back to the email Amy sent me.  The subject title was “Girlfriend Time” and since that is one of my all time fave things… I opened it immediately.   Due to that period I dealt with depression as a newlywed, I am now a firm believer in the importance of women connecting and knew I had to share this email with my SOS sistas.  I researched the email chain and found out that it was a legitimate lecture given at Stanford, but there is no online source stating who the author was.

Without the unconditional love, support, laughs, prayers, pats on the back and slaps upside the head– I’m not sure where I would be without my girlfriends. Plus, the sacred space I share twice a month with my spiritual group has created the sense of belonging I was missing for years here in LA. This is a topic I discuss often and may sound like a broken record, but it’s because CONNECTION is so vital to our well being and now we have proof it helps our health as well–maybe even more than hitting the gym! Whew, this is a long post, but please read on…..

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Here’s the email….

“I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection – the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more serotonin – a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely.

Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. (HOLLA!!!)

There’s a tendency to think that when we are “exercising” we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged—not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! (SAY WHAT???)

So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. Sooooo let’s toast to our friendship with our girlfriends!  Evidently it’s very good for our health.

 

This week I will….

  1. Schedule girlfriend time.
  2. Give gratitude for all the amazing women in my life.
  3. Be a better friend.
  4. Open up to a trusting friend + share my soul. (It could add yrs to my life)
  5. Release any toxic friendships once and for all.
  6. Pray for my girlfriends.
  7. Nurture all the women in my life no matter their age. (even your 9 yr old niece)
  8. Listen without “one-upping” (thanks Brene Brown)
  9. Reach out the minute I feel lonely. (stop the wallowing before it starts)
  10. Not take my genuine friendships for granted.
  11. Toast to the fabulous friends in my life!

FORWARD THIS POST TO ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.

Share/Tweet/Pin the SOS love!

I close my eyes, bow my head and pray for you ALL to be richly blessed in the coming week.

Love, Tiff

 

This post was brought to you by Indo Salon.  Indo specializes in Cuts, Styles, Haircolor, Highlights, Great Length Extensions, Hair Lingerie, Japanese Thermal Straightening, Brazillian Blowout and Eyebrow Tinting.

 

Thank God for Girl Time

Hello Gorgeous!

Happy Friday!  How was your week?  Any fun plans for this weekend? I just feel like a lil ‘girl talk’ this morning.  No style tip or beauty secret to offer today.  I’m sitting here in my robe sipping coffee, sorting through a zillion emails and getting life organized after my amazing trip.  Don’t you love that refueled feeling after a vacay?  Always, always take a good vacay every year or at least a few mini ones.  We all deserve a break now and then!  HOLLA!

Over the past few months, we have had so much stress and pressure with our other business that I was about to implode if I didn’t remove myself from it for a sec.  WHO FEELS ME?  I’m happy to report that I did not implode or totally go into freak out mode…almost, but not quite!  I’m so grateful to have dear girlfriends I can run to for solace in these times.  They don’t judge me for feeling weak.  They don’t judge me for needing a break from trying to be the West Coast Wonder Woman.  They don’t judge me, period.  They focus on my strengths and help me to see them when it all seems blurry.  I am tearing up right now thinking back over the years of fun, pain, growth, success, trials, heartbreak, wins and losses that my girlfriends experienced with me.  If you have even one girlfriend like that, consider yourself extremely blessed.  Women need to feel connected and when our real-life girlfriends may be unavailable, this community fills that void and provides support for many.  I thank God for giving it to us.  Girl time is vital- never deny yourself a good dose of it on a reg basis!

I have an excitement in my belly about the next few months and what’s to come in 2013.  SOS is my baby, my priority, my passion and I envision awesome things for us in the new year.  Daily, I receive heartfelt comments, questions, concerns and lots of encouragement from you ladies and this is what fuels me to keep going, keep building, keep growing this Sisterhood.  Thank you for taking the time to connect on a regular basis either here on the blog or on the Facebook Community.  Thank you for subscribing.  I know I really have to enjoy a blog or newsletter to actually take the time to subscribe and enter my email address.  Again, thank you.

Remember there are many ways to stay in the SOS loop:

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sanctuaryofstyle
YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/user/tiffanybolton11
PINTEREST: http://pinterest.com/sanctuarystyle
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/#!/SanctuaryStyle
INSTAGRAM: @tiffanyhendra

Take the time this weekend to think about how you want the end of 2012 to look.   We’ve got 8 weeks left.  Let’s finish out the year STRONG!  Dig a little deeper, reach a little higher.  Also, start imagining how awesome 2013 is going to be!  Speak and act as if you have already arrived and attained your dreams!

CALL THINGS THAT BE NOT….AS THOUGH THEY ALREADY ARE!

Love, Tiff