BLOOM AT YOUR OWN PACE: Stop Trying To Prove Yourself

BLOOM

 

Happy Sunday Sistas,

As you all know, I am in a new season of life, in a new city and loving the fresh start. With that comes moments of both anxiety and excitement. Anxiety because I’m getting reacquainted with a city that has changed SO much from when I previously lived here, but more so- I think it’s because I have changed. I admit it is a good kind of anxiety- if there is such a thing. Excitement because I am connecting with wonderful women who are full of purpose, passion and integrity. Plus, the fact that I can drive down to visit my parents gives me tremendous peace that I haven’t felt in years.

Over the past few weeks, I have had several convo’s with women from all walks of life- single career women, wealthy stay-at-home moms and women in ministry. These conversations were some of the most authentic, genuine and flat out no B.S. talks I’ve had in a while. A great take-away from each encounter was the realization that I was free from the need to prove myself to any of these women. After years of searching for approval from others and desperately trying to prove myself and my worth- here I am…Tiff, no labels, no titles, no resume, take it or leave it, just as I am…

ME.

Everyone is climbing that mountain and running the race to see who can get to the top or cross the finish line first. Our ego’s want to be fed with that false need to prove something and say “Hey, look at me!” The flowers don’t beg for attention and open up when they are ready….when they have had adequate water and sunlight. It’s a simple analogy, but we could learn a lesson or two from them. They are all equally beautiful so does it really matter which one blooms first? We hear “enjoy the journey” on a regular basis, but are we all so consumed with that finish line or mountain top that we keep ourselves in a state of misery, comparison and competition? The beauty of the journey, the climb- is the growth and strength that’s achieved. Do not try to bypass it or you’ll miss out on your Destiny. There’s really no fun or sense of adventure in life if you went straight to the mountaintop. Sting made a profound comment in the documentary “Twenty Feet From Stardom” about the kids that win “American Idol” at an early age. They are given instant fame, recognition and money- BUT, if they have not had some degree of personal growth they will not sustain a lasting career. They do not have the tools or Spiritual growth to keep them at the top for long. (I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of it) 

Often, I call myself a “late bloomer” and I’m okay with it. My entire 20’s were a time of seeking, self-loathing, fear based decision making and complete confusion. I didn’t start understanding myself…forgiving myself and others…until I was in my early 30’s and allowed God to take over. Remember, before a flower can bloom- it has to first grow underneath the soil, in the darkness and start out as a sprout. Whether you are fully bloomed or barely a sprout today- appreciate where you are and do not compare yourself to others. Don’t try to rush your growth and bypass some of the essential healing and lessons that MUST be learned. That’s a recipe for disaster. Each season, each stage of growth reveals amazing aspects of ourselves. Many stages are downright painful and challenging, but oh so glorious on the other side. That’s how we truly understand who we are, what we want to do and how we want to live our life. We have to go through the dark times in the dirty parts of life in order to really appreciate when we are…

standing tall and blooming like the tulips above.

If life is to be compared to a race- I’m in it for the long haul, the marathon. Not a sprint. I know I used several analogies from a race to a mountain climb to flowers, but I trust it helped to drive the point home. I see so many women who are wearing themselves out trying to prove they are successful, prove they are superwoman or the world’s greatest mom. Do not live your life by someone else’s definition of success. I may not have the biggest bank account, but I have a thriving marriage and healed relationships within my family. God is leading me every single day in my purpose to empower women. Heck, the fact that I’m even alive and breathing and not strung out on drugs somewhere…that is success to me, HOLLA! 

How has the need for approval derailed you? What is stopping you from living life at your own pace, on your terms? Are you distracted by the need to keep up with the pace of other’s? Are you disconnected from your Spirit and trying to take the wheel away from God? It is so exhausting and you’ll stay on the “road always traveled” then end up living someone else’s life. If that’s you today, please put it in “park” and reevaluate your route.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Cheers to blooming when you are good and ready!

Love, Tiff

 

 

 

 

COOPERATION Vs. COMPETITION {Sunday Affirmations}

tiff_rayne{At Willow Tree Women’s Circle with Fellow Style Expert + Fashion Maven, Rayne}

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Happy Sunday Sistas!

I trust you all had a wonderful weekend and are taking some quality “ME” time to prepare for a fab week ahead.  I had such a fantastic week filled with several beautiful experiences and witnessing women lifting one another up and fanning each other’s flames. You know that is what SOS is all about! This morning, I was thinking back on the week and realized the common thread weaving through each event I attended and the clients I worked with– was women were COOPERATING instead of competing! It’s remarkable when strong, confident women operate from a state of cooperation  and collaboration instead of competition. As I get older and work with more and more women, I realize those who feel the need to compete are just insecure and unsure of their gifts and talents. I know I say it often, but it’s the truth– women are truly powerful beings all on their own, but when they unite….it changes the world! All of the women I collaborated with last week work in the same industry as I do. Many women would shy away from helping someone in their industry because they would view it as competition.  When we realize that what we have to offer the world, complete with our unique abilities, personality and talents– then competition is nonexistent. I give mad props to personal stylist- Rayne Hagstrom, life coach- Kim Somers Egelsee and TV Host- Patricia Kara for operating from a higher level and helping other women to come up higher as well. You ladies inspire me!

The definition of compete: Strive to gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others who are trying to do the same. Synonyms: contest, race, rivalry.  NO THANK YOU!

The definition of cooperate: Act jointly; work toward the same end. Assist someone or comply with their requests.  Synonyms: Collaborate, pull together. YES!!

Tiff_trish_AliveT{Fellow TV Host, Blogger + Webseries Creator, Patricia Kara}
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There is an uncomfortable feeling and tension when you are in the presence of a woman who operates from a place of competition.  Sometimes you aren’t quite sure why you feel uneasy, but you just have this urgency to get the heck away from her fast!  Then on the flip side, when you are in the presence of a nurturing powerful woman who operates from a place of cooperation… you feel plain ol’ good in her presence and your spirit is lifted.  The other beautiful thing about encouraging others and helping their dreams come to pass is that God sees your heart and He will ensure your dreams will come to pass.  HOLLA!
As we go into the new week, may we all be conscious of this principle and whoa baby— watch your flame grow brighter and your dreams come true!
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THIS WEEK I WILL….

  1. Seek out people to encourage.
  2. Operate from a place of cooperation.
  3. Appreciate my unique gifts + talents.
  4. Realize there is no competition when I am being authentic.
  5. Compliment a stranger.
  6. Walk in love no matter what.
  7. Be a world changer by starting in my own backyard.
  8. Not dummy down and dim my light.
  9. Walk my talk.
  10. Stay in peace because it’s a place of power.
  11. Help others dreams to come true!

As always, I love hearing your thoughts.

Share, comment, etc!

We have a few more FANTABULOUS giveaways through the end of summer so make sure to check in on the Facebook Page for details and fun questions.

 

Fly High,

Tiff

authentic_nocompetition

Be {YOU} tiful

Be-YOU-tiful

Hey Style + Spirit Sistas,

I was filling out a questionnaire about my blog + videos and thought I would share what I wrote: 

WHY DID I START A BEAUTY BLOG?

The inspiration for starting my blog was simply to help women learn to love themselves!  Yes, beauty products and developing your own unique personal style is a big part of it– but, the core of why I do what I do is to teach women to LOVE who they are.. inside + out.  Love your quirks and love your thighs!

WHAT DOES “BEAUTIFUL” MEAN TO YOU?

SOS is about sharing beauty and style tips, but the most important are the INNER BEAUTY TIPS– which are tips for nurturing your spirit!  It may sound strange, but I believe in the “Spiritual” aspect of Style.  We can rock the latest Louis Vuitton handbag, fit into size 2 skinny jeans and have flawless skin, but if we do not love who we are- the quirks, the flaws, the good/bad/ugly- then we will not SHINE and step into our greatness.  God created us all PERFECTLY the way we are and when a woman embraces that fact…and rocks it with her shoulders back and her head held high…. THAT IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

AN INSPIRING STORY ABOUT YOURSELF:

My ethnicity is a blend of Japanese/Czech/two tribes of Native American/English and was raised in a lower middle class neighborhood outside Houston, Tx with a variety of ethnicities, but predominately Hispanic and African American.  I grew up “color blind” and saw everyone as equal.  My favorite magazine when I was little was National Geographic so I was fascinated with other cultures and ethnicities.  I wanted to see the world and experience all these different types of people.

When I entered junior high, I began participating in sports.  My dad who is 1/2 Japanese and a bit Native American, a bit English–  attended my games and when my friends saw that he was Asian– I was ridiculed and they made fun of him.  See, I had dark blonde/light brown hair and didn’t have the normal Asian appearance.  I started to feel shame about my heritage.  I even told my dad to stop coming to my games.  It was so confusing because my best friends were African American and I had a crush on a boy who was Mexican.  I had no idea what racism was at 12 years old!

A few years into high school I began modeling and realized that me being “different” was a cool thing because I didn’t look like anyone else.  I had traded in my National Geographics for Elle and Marie Claire at this point.  I loved the creativity and glamour of the beauty + fashion industry.  Most of the models did not have the typical “All American” beauty so I started embracing my heritage and seeing other mixed ethnicities as beautiful and unique.  I even darkened my hair to look even more exotic and ethnic.  Funny, magazines and the media get so much flack for steering our young girls the wrong way, but they actually had a positive effect on my self-esteem!  Through my career, I went on to fulfill my dream of seeing the world and being “different” was a big blessing in disguise!  Again, God made us all unique and perfect just as we are.  Now, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to teach and mentor young girls to love themselves just as they are.  If we can break the cycle of comparison and competition before they reach high school years– WHOA, it will save so many women years of heartache! 

Love, Tiff

YOU ARE A WORK OF ART…. so stop the comparison!

Hi Lovelies,

I just have a quick love note today reminding you how special, unique, blessed and marvelous you are.  If we all truly owned that fact, we would STOP the madness of comparing ourselves to others.  Do you compare yourself to your friends or models or celebrities?  Comparison will suck the joy right out of you and leave you with a constant feeling of being “less than”.  If you are always looking at how everyone else looks, what they are achieving or what car they are driving– you will stay distracted and stuck.  STOP THE MADNESS NOW!  You are a Child of God.  Yes, YOU!  You were designed– from the way your lip turns up when you smile, the way your hugs make people feel loved, the way your laugh is a tad too loud, the way you have the ability to balance a budget with your eyes closed, the way your broad shoulders make you look strong– and on and on!  Everything about you makes up one pretty amazing work of art.  You have gifts, talents and characteristics that are yours and yours alone.  There is no one on earth exactly like you…….so you know what that means?  Comparison goes right out the window.  

Are you comfortable in your own skin?  Do you constantly seek approval and feed off of others complimenting you and when they don’t you, you feel deflated.   I know all about it!  I was that to a “T”.  I never felt happy with myself.  Plus, I worked in the very industry where the judging of your appearance determines whether or not you get the job.  Can you imagine 15 years of auditions and castings where you are basically sized up and compared to whatever “image” the client needed for their project.  You may not be tall enough, skinny enough,  young enough, etc.  No wonder I almost became a drug addict until I realized my worth lies in the truth that I am a precious Child of God. Period.

If you battle with comparison and competition, please free yourself girlfriend.  Life is too short to live another day not appreciating yourself and OWNING your uniqueness.  Also, appreciate others for their beauty, originality and brilliance instead of wanting to be like them. 

This past week, I was a guest speaker at the Willow Tree Women’s Circle for a discussion titled “Fabulous Not Frumpy”.   I was asked the question, “how do we stop comparing ourselves to the images we see in the media”?  One thing I mentioned and I wanted to remind you all today since the Oscars are coming up this weekend….. all of those gorgeous celebrities you will see on the red carpet look perfect because they have a massive team of people helping them.   They have hairstylists, makeup artists, wardrobe stylist, fitness trainers, botox injectors, estheticians, nutritionists and who knows what else I’m leaving out.  They have been starving themselves for the past month.  Getting spray tanned.  Having their dress altered to fit them perfectly.  So, remember when they go home after it’s all over– they will be just like you and me in their sweats, with their hair on top of their head with a zit on their face having to change a dirty diaper if they are a new mom.  Many of them are because I remember last award season there were several preggars celebrities on the red carpet.  We can “celebrate” their beauty and talent, but remember they are just people complete with cellulite and issues, too.  Don’t compare yourself to them in their expensive couture gown when you are sitting there watching from the couch in your sweats and not a stitch of makeup on.  Ya hear!   Ok- so this post ended up not being all that quick. LOL!

comparison

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Leave a comment and let me know your 2-cents.

Happy Humpday!  Step out today and turn up your wattage. 

SHINE ON! 

Rock your confidence today.  It’s a must-have accessory!

Love, Tiff