CHARACTER Above CHARISMA (and a little dating advice)

Hey Sassy Pants!


I was pondering this topic lately and decided to write about it.  Charisma can initially attract us to a person, right?   Marianne Williamson says Charisma is a sparkle in people that money can’t buy.  It’s an invisible energy with visible effects.”   Webster defines it as a special magnetic charm or appealCharisma is a unique quality that we often call the “it” factor or good energy or charm.  Because I live in a city saturated with actors, dreamers and seekers, many times you don’t know if you are encountering the “real” person or not.  People “turn it on” in order to land the audition, sell the pitch or to put it simply– get people to like them.  I know we all have to turn on the charm in certain situations and no matter what industry you’re in, charisma really does play a major role.   But, no amount of skills, talent, or charisma can sustain us the way attitude, integrity, and character does!


Let’s forget about the business aspect here.  Let me be clear– I’m not bashing charisma at all.  I wanted to share my thoughts on this for you single gals.

I admit I went out with several guys that sucked me in by their charm, wit, and charisma.  Then I quickly (well, some took months) found out they did not have the CHARACTER to back it up. **Oh the days of being young and naive**  But, I married the strong quiet type, thank God.  My husband didn’t try to charm me or sell himself.  His character and integrity spoke volumes right from the start.  That goes WAY beyond the charm and blinding charisma in my book.  You know those salesmen type guys… Aaachooo- I’m totally allergic to those types now.

So gorgeous, if you are dating– I just want to remind you to always look deeper than the surface sparkle and charisma.  Take the time to really get to know a guy before you throw it all down the drain (you know what I’m sayin’ sista?) and your head is spinning followed by a devastated heart.  Unfortunately, many people do not reveal their true nature until you are completely head-over-heels.  UGH- don’t you hate it when that happens?  You feel duped and blindsided.  The same can apply to friends as well.  Women can be so charming and sweet on the surface,  but then you find out they’re gossiping behind your back or  you can’t trust them as far as you can throw them or they have an agenda other than truly being a real friend.  Let’s save that discussion for another blog post.

If you are dating and hope to be be married to the man of your dreams one day, allow me to offer you this advice:

1) Start praying for your husband.   He’s out there somewhere living his life and probably wondering where you are too.  Pray for him to be blessed, safe, happy and healthy.  Also, ask God to be part of your dating life.  He really is the Ultimate Divine Connector. 

2) Write down a list of every single quality you want in a man.  It may seem silly at first, but I ended up writing an entire spiral notebook about it.  I’m not saying make a list like “No back hair!”  Dig deeper and think about if  you want him to be a hands-on father, the spiritual leader of your family, a great communicator, emotionally sensitive, etc. 

3) Work on your personal growth while you’re waiting for your knight to come sweep you off your feet.  Be as whole as you can be before you get married.  Many women think, “Oh, I’ll be happy when I’m finally married”– No darling, you should be happy with yourself and your life before you meet ‘the one’.  Two whole people have a much better chance at a successful marriage than two lost, insecure, unconscious people.  If you have followed my blog for a while, you know I openly discuss me being ‘one hot mess’ when I was younger.  I still had a lot of issues to work out, but I was well on my spiritual path, turned my life back to God, and was single for nearly two years before I got married.  You may think two years wasn’t very long, but I was a ‘relationship girl’ and often overlapped them.  You know what I’m talking about– you find the next one before you leave the last one.  Just keepin’ it real! 

The most important thing to remember is to always treat, respect and think of yourself like a QUEEN and you will attract your KING!

What are your thoughts on charisma VS. character?  Are you excited to meet your king?  Do you have any dating or marriage questions for me?

I would love to hear your comments + thoughts.

Love, Tiff



Happy Sunday Sistas!

Many of you fabulous fashionistas are single and I wanted to take a minute to encourage you and remind you of something VERY important- if you truly desire a healthy relationship with your “soulmate”, then you must remember the best matchmaker is God and one of the most important qualities in a man is that he has a strong Faith.  Most of the time, it’s us gals who place our Spirituality as a priority because we are more intuitive, nurturing creatures. Who knows- I’m just guestimating that.  We all have different Spiritual beliefs and I respect everyone’s Faith.  I am only speaking my Truth and sharing my experiences with the hope that it encourages you.  I always had the dream of being married (in the back of my head and hidden deep down in my heart), but like many of us- I had been cheated on and my heart smashed to pieces a few times which altered my views on what a healthy relationship was.  I dated the gamut of men from broke screenwriters to narcissistic male models to sports fanatics to grown men who acted like a 12 year old to wealthy businessmen with bad drug habits.  Then add my “daddy issues” and it seemed like a far-off-impossible dream that I could ever find….. someone I trusted with all of me (the good stuff AND the baggage), genuine love, a partner who had my back, a cheerleader who nurtured my dreams AND a real man who loved God. Was it possible? Is “he” out there?

Ok, I admit it– I was one of those gals who had the ‘lap over’ relationships.  You know what I’m talking about, find a new one before you really leave the last one. Shame on me, I know!  I didn’t know how to be alone.  Before I could allow “the one” to appear in my life, I had to begin a relationship with “The One”- God.  I had to allow myself to be alone (I hated that) and start falling in love with me as well.  It was like I was dating God. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true.  I actually started a list of what I wanted in my “dream man”.  I wrote every little detail down and prayed for him. Yes, I started praying for him before I even met him.  I had to become content and comfortable with ME!  Being single is actually a liberating and beautiful time of growth.  For the first time, I actually liked me, my single status and embraced the excruciating growth period. Then, after about two years of this introspection, praying, believing and lots of “Tiff Time”….God brought along my Knight. So yes, to answer my own question….IT IS POSSIBLE!  HE IS OUT THERE!

If you have the dream of sharing your life with the “man of your dreams”, TODAY- I recommend writing down every single characteristic you want in him and begin asking God (the ultimate matchmaker) to prepare you both and bring you together at the RIGHT TIME.  My wish for all of you– who desire a healthy, loving relationship– is that you are able to experience how truly remarkable it is to feel real love and support from the PERFECT MATCH that God has for you.

With love,


{Aaron Hendra- My Knight}