DADDY’S GIRLS

Daddy_TiffNat_June2014[My sis Natalie, Dad, Mom & I on vacay in West Tx on the Frio River]

Daddy’s Girls.

But, it wasn’t always that way. I have mentioned on the blog that my relationship with my dad hasn’t always been healthy. My sister has also had her own journey with finding common ground and forgiveness in her relationship with him. Our dad became a father at the young age of 22. I can’t imagine having two daughters by the time I was 26! His generation did what they were taught and did the best they could. My dad was a great provider and a stern disciplinarian, but he was emotionally unavailable. Honestly, the poor guy was outnumbered and had to deal with three females in the house so if I put myself in his shoes – he really got the short end of the stick. I would have probably stayed out in the garage most of the time too! HaHa! 

This past week proves that people CAN change, evolve, grow and accept one another. We just took our first family vacay since I was in high school and stayed in a small cabin without wifi, cell reception or TV. Talk about connecting on a real and deep level. I highly recommend it! Add in my hubby and a total of 5 dogs and see how well you all get along. I am happy to report it was one of the best and most blessed times we’ve ever spent. What made our vacation even more special was that it fell over Father’s Day. 

My sis and I are both strong-willed, opinionated women (which we got from our parents) so when we are all together it can cause some head-butting. This vacay was the first time we each let go of ego and resonated in a pure place of love and open hearts. WooHoo!  We had several deep & meaningful conversations on topics ranging from marriage, war, Jesus and finances. My sis and I are both cerebral as well as spiritual so we aren’t much for ‘small talk’ and thrive on thought provoking discussions. Can you believe in the midst of those controversial topics – there was NO head-butting?  We respected one another’s opinions with total acceptance. What a beautiful thing! Better late than never, right? 

Family can be the most challenging and testing of all our relationships and mine has had it’s share of blaming, misunderstanding and some verbal abuse. I used to be first in line to blame all my issues on my parents especially my ‘daddy issues’. You give your parents so much freedom within the forgiveness when you release them from that burden. When I took responsibility for my issues and began appreciating my parents for ALL the things they did right – everything shifted in our relationship. 

Is there a family member or relationship you need to set free from the blame game? Do you struggle with forgiveness?

Webster’s definition of forgiveness: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) ; to stop blaming (someone) ; to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).

Forgiveness is really a gift you give yourself. 

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Turn off your mind.
Be silly. 
Eat nacho cheese Doritos. 
Listen to the trees rustle.
Dissect & discuss your favorite books. 
No makeup. No fixing the hair. 
Watch the rabbits & squirrels play.
Be present.

I did all these things on vacation with my sister and feel renewed.

Seek out moments like this all Summer Sistas!  

Love, Tiff

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Free Yourself With The Gift Of Forgiveness

Happy September Sistas!

We have all made poor choices which can leave a trail of emotional destruction…within us.  I know I sure have!  Can you recall making a choice like this? The type of choice that leaves that trail along with wounds of shame, self-loathing, anger and disappointment. When you add all of those things together.. whew, talk about a recipe for destruction! Yesterday, I realized that this week-the week after Labor Day- 15 years ago I made this type of choice. A choice based solely out of fear. I had an abortion. There I said it. The Positive Polly, Style Coach and Spiritual Mentor you all know made one of the poorest choices EVER and is admitting it. I do so freely because I know many of you reading this right now have also made this choice. Often, I share this story with my on-on-one coaching clients and in workshops, but today- I feel it may help many of you here on this community. 

At that time in my life, I had turned my back on God, buried the trauma from my past and was on a path of self-destruction with any type of substance, toxic relationship or emotion numbing activity I could find. The last thing I could do was be a good mother. I had always said, “I will not be a screwed up girl raising a screwed up child.” On my birthday that year, I stood in my bathroom alone and looked down at 2 positive pregnancy tests. Happy Freakin’ Birthday Tiff.  Honestly, I did not even contemplate ANY other option than abortion. I was not in a serious, healthy relationship with the father and I had already planned to move to LA the following January. This was NOT in my plans. The internal butt-kicking began. “How could I be so stupid to have unprotected sex? You idiot! Mama will be so disappointed in you. No, I can’t tell her. I can’t tell anyone! Not even my best friend!” I decided I would carry this choice all alone. I wouldn’t want to shatter their “Miss Perfect” image of me. 

The day came to have the procedure and it was like a bad nightmare. I was dropped off at the front door alone with not a soul to escort me in and hold my hand. This was my choice. Although it was 15 years ago, it feels like yesterday as I recall the whole thing. When I woke up, there were several other girls of all ages in one recovery room. Every head hung low and eyes filled with shame. No one would look at each other directly in the eye. The shame I carried from my past was intensified to a whole new level which was out of this stratosphere. I will bury it. I will add a new mask to my collection. FEAR FEAR FEAR.. the worst F-word there is was officially the leader of the pack now. There was no room for self-love, acceptance, Faith, hope or happiness. They were all shoved to the back of the line for a very long time.

THEN THERE WAS GOD!

As I write this today, I can honestly admit that I am free….yes, one of the greatest F-words…FREE! When I slowly began turning my life back to God, which was just a glance over my shoulder for a while, I began understanding the Power of Forgiveness. “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” [via http://greatergood.berkeley.edu]  

I asked God to forgive me of this poor choice, this sin- but it was imperative that in order to have true freedom, I had to also forgive myself. I had to…yes, HAD TO release the toxic feelings of resentment and hatred towards myself. A deliberate decision, not half-heartedly, but completely and without restraint- the decision to give myself the gift…the freedom of forgiveness. In order to heal and move on with life we MUST give ourselves this gift. God forgives us so let’s take His example and do the same for ourselves. Unforgiveness keeps you stuck like your feet, your heart and soul are in hardened concrete. When I forgave myself, the concrete shattered. HELLO FREEDOM! I have moved on! That deserves repeating.. I HAVE MOVED ON! 

OUR POOR CHOICES DO NOT DEFINE US!

Many of us allow our past and poor choices to define us. It’s time to redefine YOU! Is there a choice you’ve made that you are holding unforgiveness toward yourself for today? Are you allowing it to destroy you, your life and your happiness? Do you feel stuck? Give yourself Grace today. Give yourself the Gift of Forgiveness. Give yourself Love. Do not allow the unforgiveness to rob you of one more day. You are more courageous than you realize. Take a sledge hammer to the concrete and…..

FREE YOURSELF! 

Love, Tiff