Happy Birthday to my knight! Some say there’s no such thing as a knight in shining armor — I beg to differ! I never really thought I would get married. I was too messed up, but God sent you @aaronhendra to protect me and help me fight my battles. Exactly what a knight does! Thank you for showing up for US every single day. May God continue to direct your steps, shower you with favor and open doors of opportunity that no man can shut. You are chosen. You are destined. I love you
[Photos clockwise: Our wedding day at the end of the Santa Monica pier, Aaron installing an LED light panel in the orphanage in S. Sudan, our first scene on RHOD and Aaron on set of his music video for “Alive”]
Hey Love Seekers!
The above Instagram post is to honor my husband on his birthday today. As I thought about him and our life together over the past 13 years, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude to him for seeing past my brokenness to a girl who deserved to be loved. See, when I met Aaron I had just embarked on a spiritual journey of healing from my past.
I was an emotional roller coaster.
I felt unlovable.
I was a hot mess.
I felt shame.
Unworthy…was the label stamped across my heart! (so I thought)
But, in the few months prior to running into Aaron on Beverly Drive on the beautiful fall day in LA I had begun praying for him even though I didn’t know “he” was the one. For many years, I didn’t believe I was worthy of love much less an amazing husband. I had already hit 30 and started facing the fact that maybe marriage wasn’t for me. Growing up a Southern girl, of course- I thought I would be married with 2 kids by the time I was 25. Hello, that’s what most good Southern girls life plan was in my generation, right? Here I was 30 with no prospects and in a city like LA where it felt like finding a good man was like finding a pair of Louboutin’s 75% off at Marshalls. Impossible! I came close to giving up on love.
In 2002, when I hit rock bottom on that bathroom floor in West Hollywood (hear more on Access Hollywood) God heard my simple pray of “help”. Often we think we need these long poetic wordy prayers, but the simple prayers like “thank you” and “help” are just as powerful. The beautiful thing about hitting bottom is there’s no where else to go but up! This was the beginning of my relationship with God then my relationship with myself then ultimately my relationship with my husband. I had to embark on a love affair with God and myself before I could meet Aaron and allow him to love me. Period. Most of my 20’s, I had turned my back on God and basically shot Him the middle finger. But He was always there. I really should be dead in a ditch somewhere. I should have died on that bathroom floor or in some random person’s bathroom in the Hollywood Hills. But I didn’t. I began journaling my crazy thoughts and praying for God to bring me a strong man. I filled up several spiral notebooks describing that strong man. I began praying for him everyday in that prayer journal. With each passing day, my hope grew. Then a year later- BAM- I ran into Aaron on that street and we were married 4 months later.
Trust me, I made the first 2-3 years of our marriage a nightmare! When the fear and old shame-based Tiff would creep up, I would push Aaron away and resist his love. He never gave up on me. He stayed consistent. Aaron saw me as a beautiful, whole, strong, intelligent woman. Not as the weak, broken, messy girl I saw myself as. God knew I needed him to hold my hand as I continued on this healing journey. God knew Aaron needed me as well.
I felt compelled to share that beautiful glimpse of our story to encourage any of you who are seeking true, real, lasting love. Knights really do exist! Don’t give up hope. Allow the love of God to transform your life first. If you’re like I was and feel unworthy, remember God sees you as His gorgeous daughter. You are the apple of His eye. When you grasp that truth down in your spirit– it begins to heal your broken heart. It renews you. It takes away all the shameful labels you or others have placed on you. Put on God’s label and wear it proudly like the most stunning custom-made dress.
You are lovable.
You are worthy.
You are strong, beautiful and filled with purpose.
Allow Him to lead you to your partner. His connections are Divine.
Join me in honoring Aaron today and if you are blessed with an amazing partner- tell them how grateful you are to be able to do life with them! It’s truly a gift.