Here’s your kick-in-the-bootie Monday Motivation!
After being on the hot mess express called RHOD for the past year and a half, the above quote really resonated with my soul. (Thanks for posting last week Jessica Youngblood!) One of the job requirements of this show is to do the exact opposite of this quote. You are hired to tear other women down, throw them under the bus and gossip about them with a capital G. This is the driving force of this train! For the girls girl and champion for women that I am– this was a real challenge because I prefer to ride on the Peace Train. Chooga Chooga Woot Woot!
[Disclaimer: I am so grateful for this opportunity with a huge network like Bravo because it forced me to get out of my comfort zone and every time we do that… we grow! I view the hard things, the struggles we go through (instead of shrinking back) as the real blessings in life. We weren’t named Real Housewives until after we finished filming so it wasn’t what I originally signed up for. I get it– people say it’s just entertainment,Also, I’m grateful for the exposure it gave my man. He will have performed about 100 gigs in 2016. His goal was 50 so he doubled that! YAY! ]
Ok, back to the topic! How often are you sitting at dinner on girls night out and someone starts bad mouthing one of your mutual friends.. who is not present to defend herself? Over the past few years, I realize women gossip and tear other women down as a way to bond. Many of them do it under the disguise of “we need to pray for Sally because.. did you hear?” BAM, they drop something that should have been kept in confidence! This has to be the cruelest, most insecure and ugly way to bond with someone. There are a zillion things for women to bond over other than trash talking others. Using prayer as a way to sugar coat what they’re really doing is just UGH-Ugly.
Hey– I am not without guilt here.
I have been in that situation more times than I care to remember and should have had the ladyballs to shut it down every single time. When I didn’t, I always felt like I needed to go home and take a spiritual shower! Remember, if someone is gossiping about someone to me – well, she is gossiping about me when I’m not around.
God has really working on my heart with this matter since my experience on RHOD. I noticed a woman (or two) who I thought were “friends” would always bad mouth certain mutual friends when they weren’t around, but made me feel as they were “concerned” with that person. Heck no! They were gossiping. Straight up gossip and slander. Then, when this gossiper betrayed me.. I couldn’t be all that surprised, right. Is that what a “frenemy” is? I guess I’ve been educated. God showed me that I would keep getting more of what I allowed. No, thank you! I prayed for new uplifting friends and my prayers were answered. I was also led to many scriptures on the subject and love this one:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV
How brave are you to shut down a conversation that is going in the wrong direction toward tearing someone down? Even if it makes everyone at the table uncomfortable for a moment. I think women are so eager to “bond” that it takes precedence over their integrity in these situations. It’s impossible for me to discuss this topic and not mention my BFF Heidi. She deserves major props because she is the one at the table who will risk making others feel uncomfortable over giving in to the gossip. I believe that iron sharpens iron and I want to be around women who help make me a better Tiff.
Remember, both gossip and complaining can be very contagious. Be aware and pay attention to how easy it is for you to start gossiping or complaining around certain people and limit your time with them in 2017. I promise it will change your year for the better!
If we all realized that what we put out there comes back to us 100 fold then we would keep our mouths shut when we are tempted to gossip. If you are being disloyal by telling someones secret or tearing someone down then you will get 100 times the negativity coming back to you. YIKES! No thank you!
Grandma had it right:
If you don’t have anything nice to say.. don’t say anything at all!
Also, let’s revive the Golden Rule:
Treat others as you wish to be treated!
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I look forward to helping you step boldly into 2017!