Gossip VS. The Golden Rule

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Here’s your kick-in-the-bootie Monday Motivation!

After being on the hot mess express called RHOD for the past year and a half, the above quote really resonated with my soul. (Thanks for posting last week Jessica Youngblood!) One of the job requirements of this show is to do the exact opposite of this quote. You are hired to tear other women down, throw them under the bus and gossip about them with a capital G. This is the driving force of this train! For the girls girl and champion for women that I am– this was a real challenge because I prefer to ride on the Peace Train. Chooga Chooga Woot Woot! 

[Disclaimer: I am so grateful for this opportunity with a huge network like Bravo because it forced me to get out of my comfort zone and every time we do that… we grow! I view the hard things, the struggles we go through (instead of shrinking back) as the real blessings in life. We weren’t named Real Housewives until after we finished filming so it wasn’t what I originally signed up for. I get it– people say it’s just entertainment,Also, I’m grateful for the exposure it gave my man. He will have performed about 100 gigs in 2016. His goal was 50 so he doubled that! YAY! ]

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Ok, back to the topic!  How often are you sitting at dinner on girls night out and someone starts bad mouthing one of your mutual friends.. who is not present to defend herself?  Over the past few years, I realize women gossip and tear other women down as a way to bond. Many of them do it under the disguise of “we need to pray for Sally because.. did you hear?” BAM, they drop something that should have been kept in confidence! This has to be the cruelest, most insecure and ugly way to bond with someone. There are a zillion things for women to bond over other than trash talking others. Using prayer as a way to sugar coat what they’re really doing is just UGH-Ugly.

Hey– I am not without guilt here.

I have been in that situation more times than I care to remember and should have had the ladyballs to shut it down every single time. When I didn’t, I always felt like I needed to go home and take a spiritual shower!  Remember, if someone is gossiping about someone to me – well, she is gossiping about me when I’m not around.

God has really working on my heart with this matter since my experience on RHOD.  I noticed a woman (or two) who I thought were “friends” would always bad mouth certain mutual friends when they weren’t around, but made me feel as they were “concerned” with that person. Heck no! They were gossiping. Straight up gossip and slander. Then, when this gossiper betrayed me.. I couldn’t be all that surprised, right. Is that what a “frenemy” is?  I guess I’ve been educated. God showed me that I would keep getting more of what I allowed. No, thank you!  I prayed for new uplifting friends and my prayers were answered. I was also led to many scriptures on the subject and love this one:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV

How brave are you to shut down a conversation that is going in the wrong direction toward tearing someone down? Even if it makes everyone at the table uncomfortable for a moment. I think women are so eager to “bond” that it takes precedence over their integrity in these situations. It’s impossible for me to discuss this topic and not mention my BFF Heidi. She deserves major props because she is the one at the table who will risk making others feel uncomfortable over giving in to the gossip. I believe that iron sharpens iron and I want to be around women who help make me a better Tiff.

Remember, both gossip and complaining can be very contagious. Be aware and pay attention to how easy it is for you to start gossiping or complaining around certain people and limit your time with them in 2017. I promise it will change your year for the better!

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If we all realized that what we put out there comes back to us 100 fold then we would keep our mouths shut when we are tempted to gossip. If you are being disloyal by telling someones secret or tearing someone down then you will get 100 times the negativity coming back to you. YIKES! No thank you!

Grandma had it right:

If you don’t have anything nice to say.. don’t say anything at all!

Also, let’s revive the Golden Rule:

Treat others as you wish to be treated! 

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GREAT MINDS DON’T GOSSIP {Sunday Affirmations}

Eleanor-Roosevelt

HAPPY SUNDAY SISTAS!

Do you find yourself powerless and easily lured in to gossip? What’s up with that? There are so many layers to gossip, but let’s cut through the layers and call it what it is…. an ugly and destructive activity. The people I surround myself with do not participate in this lower level activity, but every once in a while, there’s someone who starts spewing that ugly diarrhea of the mouth. This happened recently and it gave me the heebie jeebies. Immediately, I felt uncomfortable and what’s even more uncomfortable is having to confront it and say, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this”. The fear of confrontation is probably one of the biggest reasons we find ourselves sucked in to gossip. Also, people enjoy the “connection” they feel when they all join in on the people bashing. They feel part of the group, especially in a work/office atmosphere. Human nature is so funny like that. Bottom line is, gossipers are just insecure and find they lift themselves up by putting others down or airing other peoples dirty laundry. Reality is they are not lifting themselves up, but instead they are losing the respect of those around them. 

I’m not saying I’m Miss Perfect Polly and of course, I have participated in my fair share of gossiping, but several years ago- after spending a lot of time with a few hardcore gossipers- God revealed to me that this destructive activity would block my blessings. I’m sorry, but I need all the blessings I can get! How about you? It brings to mind the simple principle of The Golden Rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. You don’t want others going around airing your bizzzness or bashing you- so why would you do it to others? 

HOW DO YOU HANDLE SOMEONE’S VOCAL DIARRHEA?

Let’s define it: Gossip is casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. (YUCK!) 

That’s why I love the above quote by E.R. ‘Nuff said! When you get together with friends, what do you find to be the topic of conversations? Women need to unite and lift one another up instead of constantly comparing and tearing each other down. It seems no matter how old we get, there’s always that sense of the cliques we dealt with in high school. If you find this is an issue in your life and it’s weighing you down, SISTA– it’s time to set yourself apart and live with more integrity. You will soar in life, unleash more blessings and enjoy more freedom. Being an eagle and rising above can feel lonely at times, but really- who wants to be in the henhouse pecking around in all that bird shizzle! Just sayin’.

THIS WEEK I WILL…..

  1. Focus on living by The Golden Rule.
  2. Lift others up with my words + actions.
  3. Not participate in gossip no matter how harmless it seems.
  4. Regain my power in this area!
  5. Discuss creative ideas not people.
  6. Put duct tape over my mouth if I have to.
  7. Not be afraid of confrontation. I will do the right thing!
  8. Be an encourager.
  9. Not block my blessings!
  10. Soar with the eagles instead of pecking with the chickens.
  11. Surround myself with other eagles!

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Like, Share, Comment.

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Fly high this week sistas! 

Love, Tiff

Sunday Eve Affirmations: I WILL…..

Hey Lovely Ladies,

When you close your eyes and think of the word, ABUNDANCE, what comes to mind?  Here is Webster’s definition:

a·bun·dance [noun]
1.an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply.
2.overflowing fullness

This week, my wish for all of us, is that we stop and appreciate the abundance in our lives. It is not about how fat our bank account is or the “things” we acquire.  Abundance is feeling vibrant, alive and fully living each day with love and passion. It’s about enjoying the simple moments, the unexpected blessings that make life beautiful and most importantly, being grateful for what we have!  Life is short.  I watch so many people wasting their lives away trying to get more, do more and earn more money– yet they can’t maintain healthy relationships and their aging themselves too quickly because they are all work and no play.  I was one of those people and almost became a drug addict because of it.  My resume, the networks and producers I worked for, the size of my paycheck, the Gucci hangbag on my arm and the SUV I drove was my definition of abundance….BOY, did I have it all wrong! 

THIS WEEK, I WILL….

  1. Not lower myself by participating in gossip.
  2. Be an encourager instead of a critic.
  3. Get my glow on by eating a serving of blueberries every morning.
  4. Dance, paint, sing or do whatever that makes me feel free.
  5. Rock a dash of leopard print.
  6. Shine my light because the world needs it.
  7. Schedule my workouts as if they are an important meeting.
  8. Simplify my life + clear the clutter wherever it needs it.
  9. Drink a glass of lemon water upon rising before my coffee or tea.
  10. Say a prayer of gratitude for my abundant life.
  11. Release all fears + doubts and GO FOR IT!

{Daily Serving of Blueberries}

{Dash of Leopard Print}

{Shine On}

 

I would love to hear your comments on how these weekly affirmations have been effective in your life.

We’re in this together!

If you see a sister who’s spark is dim this week, help her out by fanning her flame and be an encouragement instead of a critic.

RADIATE LOVE,

Tiff