FROM PRISONER TO THE FREEDOM OF SELF-ESTEEM By Guest Blogger- Personal Trainer Suanne Rieker

Happy Sunday SOS Sistas!

You know those people who seem to leave that spark of inspiration everywhere they go…without even trying? Well, that describes the sassy and fabulous, Suanne Rieker.  She and I connected on Facebook a few years ago and she has been a dear “sista” from the very beginning of SOS. This woman’s light and energy jumps off the computer screen and let me tell you– I had the privilege of meeting her in person and her glow not only sparks you up, but leaves a lasting impression on your heart.  I want to be like Suanne when I grow up!  I’m grateful she is sharing part of her journey of self-love and acceptance with you ladies. Be inspired…

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What’s a nice Hungarian girl like me doing with Poland Syndrome?

 
I have personally traveled a very long journey developing SELF ESTEEM starting as a junior high school girl…better known these days as Middle School.  Yep, I’m that old! As I was going through puberty, only my right breast was growing while the left one didn’t.  I always looked like my chest belonged on two different girls. I was diagnosed as having, “Poland Syndrome”.
 
Gym class was painful and always a nightmare changing clothes.  And then one day, a girl SAW my little “falsie” sticking out of my bra and told her friends I wore falsies.  Ugh ugh ugh– everyone, boys and girls, were pointing and talking about me wearing falsies.  I couldn’t tell them I only wore one so I kept silent and was hurt and sad. 
 
When I was 16, the doctors told me that maybe when I turned 18 “it” would grow and catch up to the other one.  So on my 18th birthday, I looked under my covers hoping that the boobie fairy came that morning and BAM… nothing!  L 
 
Then I was told when I became pregnant “it” would grow for sure and catch up to the other one.  In 1975, I became pregnant and gave birth to my daughter, and Nooooooooooo, “it” did not grow or catch up to the other one.
 
In 1976, at 21, I went for “Reconstruction Surgery” of my left breast and had an implant plopped under my skin and there it was…my TORPEDO as I referred to it. I laugh at the reference now, but not at the memory.  OY “it” was ugly! “It” did not look like my natural normal right breast.  I still looked like I had two different breasts that belonged on two different women. 
 
After gaining and losing 60 pounds (once, twice then three times and will be another blog from me) my TORPEDO was still “perky” and sticking straight out.  You see, there was no tissue for shape so the implant was just there under the skin. The right breast had lost so much volume from gaining and losing weight that in 1985 at the age of 30, it looked like a hanging empty sock so I went for plastic surgery and that doc (different from the first doc) put an implant, once again, under the skin so now this one just hung there, but was fuller for sure.  Once again, two different breasts on the same person… me! 
 

I hated them both.  I hated looking at them.  I didn’t want my husband to look at them.  I didn’t want my husband to touch the left one at all.  I would try on 20 different tops before I would feel comfortable to leave the house.  I was a prisoner. I was self-conscience. I was unhappy.   

 
I have to tell you though, you would have never known I had implants or that my breasts were two different shapes since I became a master of camouflage. I knew that when I was going out, I needed to budget my time and have many options for tops, since I never knew what I would feel comfortable in. In 2005, at the age of 50, I experienced “burning” as I turned over onto my tummy at a pool on a deck chair on vacation.  UT’ooooh!!!   Long story short, BOTH implants were broken. 
 
This time, I researched doctors and found the perfect Plastic Surgeon for me.  He is the “expert breast guy” and now my doc.  So, I had them both removed and both put back in but this time he put them under the chest muscle.  NO Barbie Boobs I told him, just the same size and he fixed my nipples so at least the were both straight in front of me.   
 
BUT BUT BUT I was still unhappy.  They still looked like they belonged on two different women.  Ugh….. I HATE BOOBS!!!    I still tried on 20 different tops before I went out. I still hated looking at them and I still wouldn’t let my husband look at me or touch the left one. 
 

FAST FORWARD to August 2012 at the age of 57 and 36 years later having Breast Implants. 

 
I went back to my Plastic Surgeon and said I want them OUT!  In tears I said, “ I don’t care if I’m flat as a board– anything is better than feeling like this.”   He said he’ll reconstruct the left one, pull some “tissue” around from my back and make me a “boobie” then do a breast reduction on the right side to make them perfect for me. 
 
OMG omg omg…I’m 58 years old now and finally have two small “Girls” that belong ON THE SAME WOMAN… ME!
 
I feel wonderful!  I feel beautiful!  I feel desirable!   I told my husband what a lucky guy he is to have experienced four sets of breasts on the same woman….LOL!
(1 implant then 2 implants then 2 new implants NOW 2 new small boobies)
 
I put on one top when I get dressed now…do you know how much time I’m saving?  
 
Self-esteem is a process for a lot of us women.  Some never achieve it and some it takes longer than others for many reasons.   
 

I am no longer a prisoner … I finally have Self-Esteem.

Suanne Rieker is a certified personal fitness trainer and owner of Riekerfit LLC with a specialty in Female Fitness.  suanne_proConnect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU TELLING THE WORLD?

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{My new favorite distressed jeans by Rich & Skinny}

Hello Summer Baby!

As I’ve shared before, I have gone through several periods in my life where I battled low self-esteem, poor body image and overall crappy confidence.  I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not like that reflection staring back at you. It effects every aspect of your life.  The message I was telling the world was that I was an unhappy girl and didn’t think I was worth it. Our image, body language and the look in our eye speaks volumes to the world before we ever open our mouth. The first recollection was at about 12 or 13 and people would say, “Oh you’re so pretty you should smile more”.   Hmmm- okay, but I had the ugliest crooked teeth and ended up wearing braces for 4 long years!  I also had skinny knock-kneed legs and to top it off I had a permed mullet in junior high.  *LAUGH OUT LOUD EVERYBODY*  The journey to loving myself and being confident in the fact that I am a child of God has been a long one and I believe my new message to the world speaks of grace, joy, self-worth, self-love and overall confidence. At least that’s what I intend to project even when I’m having “one of those days”. Thank you for joining me on the journey here through SOS.

 

MY QUESTION FOR YOU TODAY IS…..

WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU TELLING THE WORLD?

 

A few days ago, a production company asked me to put myself on tape telling why I started blogging and doing videos.  I never really considered myself a blogger until the term “vlogger” was coined.  A vlogger is a video blogger, in case you weren’t sure.  Just like a blogger shares their experiences, knowledge, life lessons and tips, a vlogger does the same, but just speaks it on video or webcam.  Since my background is in television and working as an on-camera personality– this was a no brainer for me when I realized my true passion was to help women.  Check it out….

 

Can’t decide what nail color to wear?  ROCK TWO!   Allure has a great how-to-video achieving fabulous OMBRE nails. 

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Comment, Share, Tweet, Like or Pin this post if it inspired you. 

Have a wonderful weekend and take some “ME” time!

Ba-Bye May. Hello June! I sure hope your month was amazing. 

Love You Sista,

Tiff

 

This post was brought to you by Indo Salon.  Indo specializes in Cuts, Styles, Haircolor, Highlights, Great Length Extensions, Hair Lingerie, Japanese Thermal Straightening, Brazillian Blowout and Eyebrow Tinting.

 

I AM…. {Sunday Eve Affirmations}

Question? What do you think about yourself?

If someone asked you to describe yourself with brutal honesty- would you shock yourself with your answers?  Do you truly own your strengths and love yourself or do you focus on your weaknesses and beat yourself up on a daily basis?  Just as important as it is to be non-judgmental towards others, we also need to stop judging ourselves so harshly.  So for this week’s affirmations, instead of the usual “I WILL….” list, I have created a long list of positive adjectives for us to read closely and really think about how each word applies to us and how we view ourselves.  If you tend to think negatively about yourself, it’s time to stop it and start focusing on your strengths and unique abilities!  

I AM….

  • Confident
  • Brave
  • Powerful
  • Determined
  • Intelligent
  • Wise
  • Strong
  • Courageous
  • Blessed
  • Amazing
  • Healthy
  • Whole
  • Happy
  • Optimistic
  • Successful
  • Hopeful
  • Graceful
  • Wonderful
  • Lovable
  • Valuable
  • Deserving
  • Worthy
  • Compassionate
  • Thoughtful
  • Kind
  • Humble
  • Cheerful
  • Fabulous
  • Fearless
  • Free
  • Magnetic
  • Attractive
  • Beautiful

So, how do you feel about that list?  I’m sure we all have a few that we can completely own and feel confident about and a few that we are unsure of and may have a hard time seeing ourselves fitting that specific description.  I’ll be open and share that often times I feel totally scared, completely insecure, not so graceful and want to make wiser decisions.  Of course, when I am feeling like this it is usually when I’m coming from a fear-based place of ego and in a silly pitty party.  I have learned the tools to get myself back on track when I falter and  have realized it serves no purpose to constantly beat myself up for my short-comings.    We all need to be proud of who we are and who we are BECOMING!  I encourage you this week to start believing in yourself more than ever!  We are all a WORK IN PROGRESS and it takes focus, courage and determination to make the necessary changes in order to grow and become all that you are DESTINED TO BE!  I love the quote below!  Such truth.  I challenge you to be conscious of what you are thinking of yourself.  If you catch yourself thinking a bad thought – STOP- and replace that description with a positive one!  It’s a simple exercise that can completely transform your self-esteem!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Love, Tiff